Men = Lobsters

Lobster Hunt? Wtf I know, but hold on to your unders ladies, the analogy is brilliant.

I was in LA this fall visiting two of my besties who, like me, are balls deep (warning I have  a tendency to be vulgar)  in this dating nightmare our generation faces. One night at a bar my fellow blondes kept making all of these lobster references when talking about guys. I clearly thought they’d lost it. Apparently a friend of theirs read a book about Lobsters, The Secret Life of Lobsters  (, and shared her revelations about these little bugs. Believe it or not in the land of courtship, lobsters and humans have a lot in common.

YAY ready for the marine biology lesson of the day??! 

When a female lobster or in my terms a “lady lob” is ready to get her romp on and ummm molt? (yum yum) she sets out to find the most suitable red shelled fella out there. Quick fact, a female lobster can only mate right after she sheds her shell, making her very vulnerable during this time. So clearly she is only going to go after the biggest, strongest hunk of white meat (see what I did there) out there that can give her what she needs, protection and some sweet, sweet loving.

Once she locks in on the crustacean of her dreams, she gets her game face on and puts out the vibe, she literally wafts her pee in the dude’s direction. Mr. Lob is either down to party or ignores her, in which case, Miss Lob ventures off to find a replacement. Clearly I’m no expert, but I imagine that the lobster she initially finds is usually down to party. The next step involves an invitation into the male lobsters’ man cave (literally), and a week of cohabitation. She then sheds, they bang, and the rest is history.

The Point? 

The female lobster doesn’t settle for a mediocre male even if plenty are around and available. She knows what she wants and needs when it comes to a mate and doesn’t lose sight of her goals. Researchers have even found that if there are multiple females and males in a tank, all the females will hold out for the dominant male and ignore the less equipped suitors. AND to prove my point further, they will only mate and cohabitate with one male per mating season.

Does any of this sound familiar? Aren’t we all looking for the ideal “Lobster”? I mean,  if a damn little sea bug isn’t going to settle, then we sure as hell shouldn’t. I hear you lady lob, I hear you.

I don’t know about you, but I thought the mating process of these creatures simply involved just touching asses!

So there you go, that is how I got the title of my blog. From a friend of a friend who read a book about lobsters. Don’t worry I am not going to turn this blog into an online diary about me finding the man of my dreams, I’d personally slit my wrists if I had to read that, let alone write it. Overall, it was just my attempt at being witty, which I clearly am….and extremely modest 🙂

One thought on “Men = Lobsters

  1. […] Men = Lobsters ( GA_googleAddAttr("AdOpt", "1"); GA_googleAddAttr("Origin", "other"); GA_googleAddAttr("LangId", "1"); GA_googleAddAttr("Autotag", "education"); GA_googleAddAttr("Tag", "awkward-2"); GA_googleAddAttr("Tag", "awkward"); GA_googleAddAttr("Tag", "college"); GA_googleAddAttr("Tag", "humor"); GA_googleAddAttr("Tag", "life"); GA_googleAddAttr("Tag", "random"); GA_googleAddAttr("Tag", "relationships"); GA_googleAddAttr("Tag", "thoughts"); GA_googleFillSlot("wpcom_sharethrough"); Share this:MorePrintDiggEmailLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. Tags: awkward, college, humor, life, random, relationships, thoughts From: Awkward ← 102. A misleading profile picture No comments yet […]

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